3 cm dilated

Well the good news is I'm 3 cm dilated already. The doc doesn't think I'll go much longer. She also did the cervix membrane stripping thing, which really hurt, and I found myself reverting to some of the breathing techniques I learned in lamaze class (which helped). That's supposed to stimulate some hormone which will hopefully help labor begin.

As for a possible induction, there is no set date yet. What happens in this smallville town is that they schedule me for another week appointment (next wednesday) and if I still haven't given birth by then, they call our local hospital and see what the availability is for an induction. The local hospital only allows 2 inductions per day, so my induction date will depend upon their availability. As for whether an epidural will be available for my induction, the doctor said chances are most likely, but not 100%. She did reassure me that they will do everything possible to help me cope with the pain, should it be necessary. I decided to leave the details as to what they'll actually do for my induction for the next appointment, since she said it'll depend upon how far along I've progressed at the time. The doc also said she highly doubted that I would need an induction or even make it to next week's appointment. (Where I would be 40weeks and 5 days pregnant.) I hope she's right!!!

The bad news...it's been about 5 hours since my appointment, my cervical membrane stripping and 3cm dilation news report, and still nothing's happening. Not even losing any mucus plug today. Have had some braxton hicks and uncomfortable cramping, which can be expected with the cervix stripping thing, but nothing else. No bloody show...no nothing.

Hmm, maybe this baby wants to wait for my birthday to appear (my birthday is this saturday, the 6th), but I really dont want to share.

Induction questions.

Can concentrate at work! Keep logging onto babycenterdotcom to read about other people's experiences with upcoming due dates and labor signs, symptoms, or lack thereof. I think based upon my research on google, it is more common that women give birth beyond their due dates than before, but I'm not really sure how accurate the statistics are that I've read. All I know is this suspense is killing me. I really thought that I'd have a baby by now. Although my EDD is still 3 days away, I'm getting so impatient. Not only am I fed up with all the discomfort, fatigue, etc., i'm also getting nervous about having to be induced. I had planned to last as a long as I could without pain medication, but if I have to be induced, I may not have much of a fighting chance without pain meds. Should I then schedule to have my induction off island where an epidural will be certain? Or if I'm induced here, will we also be able to schedule an anethesiologist so that an epidural will be certain? What will they do if I have to be induced? When will I be induced. I know that my doctor has said that they do not like to let patients go beyond 41 weeks, so that means I could have an induction next week sometime.

My next doctor's appointment is tomorrow, so obviously I'll have a lot of questions and will probably have a lot of answers then. I am in uncharted territory. I'm almost to my due date, and still no baby. Just some braxton hicks which are irritating and sometimes a bit cramping and a VERY SLOW losing of my mucus plug. C'mon baby, when ya coming?

I really hope its not on my birthday.

Still waiting.

Nothing much to report. 5 days till the due date. Still losing my mucus plug very slowly. BH fairly often, but not consistent and not really painful. Some slight cramping with an occasion BH....but no real action. Getting more and more uncomfortable and swollen. Expectation is building! When will this baby come?

Update on labor status....

I'm 1 week and 1 day from my due date. Or 38 weeks and 6 days pregnant.

Just wanted to update on my status so far (I reread my blogs just prior to the birth of Kaua and it was nice to see what I was going through at the time and want to continue a good record for future reference).

So today is Thursday. On Tuesday, when I was 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant, I noticed that I was loosing a little bit of my mucus plug towards the end of the day. Each time I wiped when I went to the bathroom, there was some mucus. Went home and packed my hospital bag in hopes that this meant baby was coming. But it stopped later that night. Saw some very slight mucus again at around same time yesterday, but only on one bathroom occasion. Today, so far, nothing.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday morning and eveyrthing is fine. I opted out of a cervical check till my appointment next week, only because I know that whether I'm dilated or not will not tell me anything about how soon my labor will start. (I was told I was barely 1 CM dilated with Kaua at 38 weeks and had him 2 days later).

I've been having tons of Braxton Hicks over the past few days. Feeling them daily and several times an hour, but they are not painful. I haven't really been keeping track of them, but I'm fairly certain they are not consistent or worth timing as of yet.

No bloody show. No real mucus plug loss as of yet.

Lotsa discomfort when I stand and walk, mainly because the baby's head is so low and seems to be hitting my cervix, sometimes painfully when I sit down heavily. I'm feeling really slow. My lower back is achey, especially now b/c I'm sitting at a computer all day for work. I stand up to take breaks every hour, but am still achey and stiff. My groin area hurts on occasion when I walk, especially in my left side, kinda like a pulled inner thigh muscle.

I'm feeling like this baby will be coming very close to its due date, and praying it doesn't go over my due date.

When (or if) I go back to my doctor's for next week's appt, where i'll be 39 weeks, 5 days, I'll ask the doctor to do a cervical check and hopefully a stripping of my cervical membrane to get things going. I've been told that they wont let me go past 41 weeks due to studies that found increased risk to baby if I give birth past the 41 week mark. Guess baby will be here no later than 8/12, but I am really praying that he or she makes an appearance in the next few days!!!

Have been and will continue to try walking on a daily basis to help speed things along. This is difficult though b/c I'm feeling fatigued, my feet are more swollen and hence more painful when standing for even short periods of times, and I just feel so huge and awkward and uncomfortable.

Hurry up baby #2!

38 weeks and 3 days

I'm getting close to the end now. It's just a waiting game. Kaua came at 38 weeks and 5 days (I think) which would make that this Wednesday. However, I feel like this baby isn't going to come as early. It's kind of fun, trying to figure out which day I'll go into labor. The excitement, the anticipation. I keep looking for the signs I had with kaua. The day I went into labor, I lost my mucus plug slowly throughout the day. Everytime I went to the bathroom, I saw a lot of mucus on my toilet paper. I also had some diarrhea (I know, doesn't everyone want to rehear these intricate bodily funcition details?). I then had a backache after dinner, which turned into labor pains and contractions. I had the bloody show that night as well. Still waiting for any of these signs. My mom keeps checking in to see if I'm in labor. I'm like, Mom, I'll call you, dont worry. She wants me to go early b/c she's made travel arrangments for the day after my due date. Helloooooo, no one told you to make travel arrangements then (which is also my birthday, yeah, see how special I am on my mom's list?).

Anyways, its a waiting game. I'm definitely ready to be NOT pregnant. I'm huge, I'm swollen, my stomach is getting stretch marks, I'm uncomfortable, i dont fit any of my clothes. Yah, this is so NOT glamorous! C'mon baby, we're ready to meet u!

38 weeks

I'm 38 weeks 2 days today. I just had my PNA and sadly, I'm just 1 cm dilated and very little, if at all, effacement. I saw Nurse Wonderful again today and she said she thinks I'm going to give birth close to (or after) my due date. =( I'm surprised at how devastated I am by this news. I think part of it is because a friend of mine, who was due just 4 days prior to me, just gave birth on Sunday. (Her water broke a little, so they started her on pitocin). That gave me hope that my time would come soon...but she was dilated for 2 cm for a while already. I just started dilating, and the way Nurse Wonderful said it, it sounded like I was 1 cm at best. =(

The good news is I gained back the 5 lbs I lost over the past few weeks. So I've been given the green light to be able to exercise again. not sure what kind of exercise I'll be doing, but probably lotsa walking and of course - s.e.x. - as DH and I try to speed this little guy's arrival along.

I also now know what a contraction feels like because when NP Wonderful was in there, she massaged the cervix a little to try to get it to soften/open up. The cramping that I felt during this was what she said I could expect to feel when I have contractions. I now know that the BH that I though I was having were not BH, but instead just baby boy, sticking his body out, making my tummy feel hard. that explains why I'm not very dilated at this point despite the "BH" I thought I'd been having daily. lol. Ah well, at least now I know.

So how am I feeling at 38 weeks? Heavy and sore and uncomfortable. Walking hurts. Moving my right leg at all, hurts (even to put on clothes, get out of bed, standing up from a sitting position, everything!) My feet are tired. My body feels tired. My brain feels tired. I think a lot of this has to do with not only being 38 and a half weeks pregnant, but also the heavy work load I've been enduring for the past 3 weeks, coupled with the house in escrow and all the paperwork and deadlines I'm having to go through associated with that, plus having a part-time DH (since he's gone 3-4 days of the week) and also living with my MIL. It's just too much for me.

I know, I'm throwing myself a pity party. I'll perk up b/c my mom comes into town tomorrow night until Sunday night! Yippee!! (Not sure how this is going to work with MIL visiting since we only have one guest bed. I have a feeling MIL will stay with other relatives while my mom is in town...but I haven't exactly spoken with her about it.)

And last, but certainly not least - here's my 38 week belly photo:



I forgot to measure myself!!! Not to worry, I'll probably have a 39 week belly photo to measure myself with. Ok, pity party B MoM over and out!

5th PNA went well

By now, these PNA appointments are becoming fairly routine and uneventful for me. I even went all by my little self like a big girl. I got to see my old OB - Dr. B because my current OB, Dr. M. was on vacation. I like Dr. B because she has great bedside manners. I feel as if she takes more time with me to explain things. My repoire with her is best. But unfortunately, I had to switch from her because when I was having the MC complications, she kept referring me out to other doctors, which I didn't like. I want to see one doctor that does it all (sort of).

Anywas, back to my appointment. Baby boy is doing fine! (Thank you God!) His heartbeat was about 145-150. He wasn't moving very much when she had the doppler on me, (still moving though), but he's been quite the active little guy everyday, so I'm not worried at all. We discussed some questions I had about my funky nipples (apparently its normal for the tips of the nipples to harden a little - almost like scabs - in preparation for my milk production). She said if they get itcy, like they have been off and on, I can put lotion or oil on them (which I have been).

She also encouraged me to consider taking the H1N1 flu shot, which will be out and available in my clinic in October. She said that she's never seen the CDC or the government push a flu vaccination out so fast and explained that pregnant women are on the top of the list of who can get the shot because of the deaths in America, pregnant women are by far a large group of the population who are apparently susceptible, even though they are fairly healthy. I was at first, reluctant to get the shot because I dont like pumping my body full of chemicals and stuff if its not necessary. She helped ease my fears saying that it wasn't like these would be hormones or other chemicals, but instead types of proteins and viruses that will help my body fight off the virus should I ever come into contact with it. She said they've been giving pregnant women the flu vaccination for years and have not found any bad side effects, and the H1N1 would be no different. DH is still not sure he's into me having the shot, especially since October will be so close to my due date anyways (Dec. 6) that it may not even be really necessary. I'm going to give it some more thought....

If you're expecting, what's your stance on getting the H1N1 flu shot?

My next appt is in 27 days and I'll have to take my glucola test a few days prior to the appointment so we can go over my results. This is a big test for me because if I fail, I could have gestational diabetes which means a whole crap load of stuff I need to do to monitor it. (GD can cause your baby to grow to big and other complications in your pregnancy and with baby). My coworker had GD during her first pregnancy and just found out she has it again for her 2nd pregnancy. It's not a fun thing to have at all. And unfortunately, its just something someone gets during pregnancy, no matter how healthy or unhealthy they are. So this next appt will be a biggie for me. The good news for GD is that I'll be on a strict diet which will hopefully regulate this weight gain, because even though I've been trying to be good, I still gained another 5 lbs since my last appt. The total weight gain for me has been 19 lbs so far! yucky!

Also up on the countdown list for me - 2 more weeks till the MIL leaves!!! Ugh! Cant wait. She's a fine houseguest and all, but still, 2 months is just way way way way too long to be living with your MIL. I miss having it just be me and the hubsters at home. But the sad thing is DH leaves to go to his new job location (with less pay!!!) just 4 days after MIL leaves, so that's sad. =( We'll try to fly back and forth to see each other every weekend, but with a pay cut, it may not be feasible to do it every weekend. We'll see though...I'm going to pray to God about it, and I'm finding that He always answer my prayers.

4th PNA today.

I'll go in for my 4th PNA in about 5 hours. I admit it, I'm nervous. It's been a while since I last seen a doctor. A little over 3 weeks, but that's a long time for me. Over the course of this pregnancy, I've averaged seeing a doctor about every 2 weeks (not by choice for some of them), but it was helpful to see a doctor to either hear the heartbeat or see the firecracker on u/s. The longest time I went in between doctor's appts was in the very beginning when I first found out I was pregnant and when we went on our trip. Now I feel invested.

I know I shouldn't be worried. I should be standing on my faith, that all is going well. But I'm a crazy lady and google is not my friend right now, and I read all these sad stories of women who lose their children far along into the pregnancy or have still born children. I dont know why I do this to myself. I drive myself crazy. Then I drive DH crazy by asking him to reassure me that all is ok.

DH may not make it to the doctor's appointment today. He's working on fixing up our house so we can put it on the market at the end of August. So if he's not done with his project, he wont be able to come. I told him it was ok, because the biggie appointment (where we go back to the perinatologist for another level 2 u/s) is next week monday, but now that he may not be coming, I'm more terrified. What am I going to do without my rock? Ugh.

I cannot think like that. Everything is going to be fine. It's going to be perfect. It'll be a boring appointment, pretty much like how most of my appointments have been. I need to stop working myself up into a nervous wreck!

Bad News

Just got a call from the doctor.

Got our results back from Quad screening test.

Normal results for my age is 1 in 714.

My results: 1 in 77.

This may not mean anything. We are just at an increased risk for baby with birth defects for someone at my age. Many factors can cause such a result.

Will find out more at upcoming ultrasound on July 7. (ie. whether we need to do an amniocentises, if the perinatologist finds any birth defects etc.).

I'm blessed. This baby is blessed. This baby will be Healthy.

I'm shocked.

Will update more when I know more.

Looks like I'm cancelling a gender reveal party....

*** edit, the BIG u/s appt has been moved up to next week Tuesday, 6/23. So we'll find out more then. I'm reading a lot (online) about people having false positives (told they had high risks, only to have a healthy baby), so that's buoying my hope. I know I need to rely on the Lord. I'll keep you all posted, and thanks for your concern. =)

1 more day!

Oh man, tomorrow is THE DAY! (You'd think I was giving birth tomorrow or something based on all this hype I'm making.) Surprisingly, I'm getting more and more confident as we get closer (I think). For some reason, I'm just confident that all is going well down there. I think it's because this time, while my symptoms still are very mild, are more present than my last two pregnancies. I never really noticed constipation last time. The nausea wasn't as present last tiime either. Dont get me wrong, my nausea is wonderful (literally, I really dont feel it much), but it's there. It's kinda funny, like just a funky, yucky feeling that ebbs and flows throughout the day and evening. I guess it really started the last couple of days (I'm currenlty 6 weeks 5 days). I wonder if it'll get worse? Part of me welcomes it. The other cool symptom I have is the boobies. Unfortunately, my guys are still smallish-(34 B's - always have been, looks like always will be), but they're feeling fuller and the nipps are still tender. The nips are a bit more protruded and those montgomery glands are definitly there and funky looking. And lastly, I'm looking a little bloated down there. My weight has stayed the same, and I think I've even lost a couple pounds due to my healthy eating habits, but I sure look bloated. With my clothes off, I can see my belly is a little more rounded. I know it's just bloat at this point, but I cant wait to start really showing (and feeling that baby move!) Anyways, I digress...the main point of this post is to say that tomorrow, we'll get to see our little one!!!

I BELIEVE I RECEIVE!

In other news, I CANT WAIT to start telling people. Yesterday at our Easter luncheon with DH's extended family, we got the question AGAIN of when DH and I are going to start having children. Of course, I ignored the question (made like I didn't hear it) and DH just responded, "I dont know, we'd like one soon." Oh how'd I'd love to say in response, well, we're having children soon, in fact we're due this December !

The ignorant commenter (though meaning well) then said, "c'mon, you dont want to be 60 when your kids are graduating highschool." We're not that old, thank you very much!!! and even if we were, nothing's wrong with that. In fact, I have two very close friends who have "older" parents and they grew up with a lot more opportunities than I ever did. Their parents were more established and well off when they were growing up, as will DH and I be when our children are growing up. We'll definitely be able to offer our children much more than both of our families could afford. (That's my consolation anyways, because truthfully, I always wanted to be a young mom.) Actually, now that I think about it, I'm glad we're having children now at this time in our lives. DH and I have a very strong marriage. We're financially ok, not great, but ok. We've been able to travel (and will be traveling again in 2 and 1/2 weeks!!) and have lived great lives. This is the perfect time to start a family. C'mon little one, we cant wait to meet you tomorrow!

3 more days....

I'll either be super stoked or super bummed in three days. I'm standing on my faith that it'll be the former.

Since my last post, I've been doing ok with pushing away that fear and thinking postive. I haven't been checking the TP as much. However, I must make a concious effort to think postive constantly. Both DH and I talk about the upcoming u/s often and both of us are trying to only think positive. We've even come up with a potential baby name, something that we haven't really allowed ourselves to do before. I'll reveal the name after Tuesday, in celebration of our great news. The name selection is not for sure, as we've spouted out tons of names over the years that we've been together, but for this week, it's a name that I like.

I'll be praying tons and celebrating the Lord's ressurection while we undergo the wait in the next three days.

Thank you Lord for my little miracle and for the perfect report that we'll have on Tuesday. We'll see our little one's heartbeat and have his or her first picture to share with you in three days.

Do not be afraid

Thanks to fellow blogger, Amy, I was reminded of a very important scripture that I'm going to re-read every day (as I've wrote it on a post-it and put it on my work computer where I sit all day long). It says:

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8.

I've been having a constant battle with fear and worry. It's tough, when you've had two prior MCs, there's a fear that it will happen again. I look at my TP every time I wipe to see if there's blood. When I feel "moisture" down there, I have to resist the urge to go "check" to see if its blood, and I admit, sometimes the urge gets the best of me. I get nervous when I dont "feel" any symptoms. I replay the last ultra sound I had where the technician was silent, then excused herself to go get the doctor, who then told me I was a "mist" or someone who they were not sure if I was just 3 weeks behind or miscarrying.

But I must and do consciously choose to push these thoughts out of my head. I choose to cast aside my fears and my worries. I remind myself to be "strong in faith...fully persuaded that what God has promised, He is able to perform!" Romans 4:20-21. I know that I am blessed, and the fruit of my womb, this little baby is blessed. I just need to focus on those thoughts for six more days.

On the pregnancy symptom front, I think I felt more morning sickness than usual as I was getting ready for work this morning, but thankfully, the feelings have subsided. I've noticed that the two times I felt really sick were both times when I wasn't satisfied with what I had for breakfast. Today I practically gagged when I ate this mango relish recipie thing that I got from WTEWE. The nips are not as sensitive today, but I swear, both me and DH thought they looked larger than usual last night. Still peeing often, feeling thirsty often, and hungry every few hours. I may have had constipation for the last couple of days b/c everytime I feel like going, when I get there, I just sorta sit (TMI, i know) without much "productivity" so to speak. I'm not sure, I've never really had constipation, but I imagine that this is probably a mild case of it.

6 more days!!!

confession time

Alright, after acting all high and mighty about not giving in to the urge to POAS, I did it last night. Hey, last time I did it was last week monday, so once per week, I say I'm doing pretty good. So, the funny story about this POAS session. For a few seconds only one line showed up, and I was confused. Then a second line appeared and I was happy. Then I realized, the first line to show up was the positive pregnancy test line. It showed up about 10 seconds before the control line! lol. Isn't that weird? I guess that means that my HCG levels are much higher than 25 or 50 or whatever the sensitivity of the HPT internet cheapies are. Well, at least I know I'm still pregnant. lol.

Hopefully, this POAS sesssion should hold me over for the next week as I wait for the ultrasound appointment. I hope that Easter Weekend keeps me occupied. I'm sure next week Monday will drag by. Part of me wants time to drag by, because I get to stay in this blissful sense of not knowing and hopiing. But then again, not knowing is also very difficult, and it would be glorious to know that we have a heartbeat.

No news is good news.

Not much to say other than we have 8 more days until we find out if there's really an actual living baby in there. The suspense is building. I'm still thinking positive, and saying to myself that I'm pregnant till proven otherwise. We'll all know by the end of next week Tuesday (4/14).

On the symptom front not much new going on. Still have to pee every 2 hours and wake up at least once per night to pee. The nips are still sensitive, but not too painful. I experience a slight queezy feeling off and on, but haven't really felt any real legitimate morning sickness since my last post. And I'm hungry about every two hours. I feel like I want to eat all the time. I'm working on keeping healthy snacks in reach...hopefully, this eating thing wont translate into too much weight gain.

I overcame the urge to POAS one more time yesterday and this morning due to the lack of extraordinary symptoms. But I figure, i wont learn much more from a positive HPT other than my HCG level is greater than 25. Gonna try to hold out till the appointment, that's the real biggie. Still praying for a perfect report.

Temperature Rise this AM but AF due today

Not sure what tune I'll be singing later in the day, but for now, it's confusion. My temperature rose again today, which is very uncharacteristic for a looming AF. However, I still feel AF like cramps. My BBs could potentially be feeling slightly fuller today, but no nipple sensitivity, and it could all be a product of my imagination. This could also be a sign of looming AF. I gave in, and took a HPT today. It was either a BFN or a very very very very very very very (did I mention very?) faint BFP. I mean we're talking so faint, it almost wasn't there and wouldn't even show up on a camera picture. I think there really was only one pink line, but then I swear, there was a shadow of a faint 2nd line. I pointed it out to DH who admits he saw it too. However, having "been there, done that", we're chalking it up as a BFN for now and will continue on with life. I may test again if AF doesn't show in a few days. However, I did have one cycle (the very first cycle we started TTC which was on our honeymoon trip out of the country) where my cycle was 51 days long and I was definitely NOT pregnant. After getting 3 BFNs I called my doctor and she explained that sometimes travel delays your period. I haven't traveled this cycle, but I did have a semi-stressful two weeks at work in the early part of my cycle which could possibly haved caused a delayed AF. Coincidently, the 51 day cycle was last year February/March 2008. If I do have a delayed cycle, it will be one year later. Weird......

** Edit - the day is more than 1/2 over and still no AF....WTH?!

Dont be discouraged!

I keep telling myself that.....remain positive...have faith....trust in the Lord.
Man this waiting is tough! I can feel it trying to consume me...the worry, the fear, the anxiety...what if this cycle is a bust?

It's times like these when I turn to the Word. The bible says: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4: 6-7.

I've been repeating this verse to myself over and over yesterday and today. I admit, anxiety is coming over me and I'm doing my best to obey God's word and overcome it. I'm trying not to be anxious. And I'm praying to God...please, grant me the desires of my heart....Thank you Lord for answering my prayers.

Symptom-less?

I'm anxious (but I'm really trying not to be). I've been comparing this cycle's post O symptoms to my last cycle when I got a BFP. The biggest difference I see between the two cycles is that in the BFP cycle, I had copious amounts of creamy CM. This cycle, I had much less. Yesterday and the day before, my CM seemed a little more than normal, but today, it's gone away. I really dont know what to make of it. I also keep checking the BBs to see if they're sensitive or sore, and nothing. I may be imagining slight cramps and backaches, but really, they are so faint, that I think it's all in my head.

I'm trying to tell myself that I'm still in the running, because my first BFP cycle, I didn't see any increased CM or sensitive BBs and only realized I was preggo because AF was overdue by 6 days.

I really really want to see a BFP and a December 2009 baby. I've got about 6 more days before AF is due and 7 more days till I plan to test. (As of today, I'm planning to test on 3/25, trying t0 hold out on testing until AF is overdue). I'm so anxious!!!

***Edit - I just went back and reviewed my blog that I kept just after my first MC and during my 2nd BFP and its accompanying journey. I was such a happy go-lucky person in that blog. Cute even. My posts on this blog lack that happy go lucky flair. It really emphasizes my belief that since the 2nd mc, I feel robbed of my innocense. Granted, I'm still a fairly positive person, but its amazing to see the difference in my posts and thus, my attitude from that 2ww to this 2ww. I pray that I will one day be able to get back to that happy go lucky self. This journey has been tough...it's left me scarred from battle, but the war is NOT over. I have the Lord's strength to carry me through....and that's just what I intend to rely on now...when things are getting tough and my anxiety kicks in.

Are we there yet?

Ok, so we all know, this TTC journey (and even the pregnancy journey) is ALL ABOUT WAITING...but I cant help but whine....Are we there yet????? Waiting, waiting, waiting! I've been waiting for my surgery, then waiting to get rid of the hyperplasia, all the while, I was waiting to TTC, and now that I am TTC, I'm waiting to O, and when I O, I will be in my 2 week wait!!! Ugh!

So, I still have no clue if I O'd. I dont think so, b/c my CM has not been fertile, but my CP and my temperatures are throwing me off. So, to be safe, me and the DH have been BDing like crazy...well, kinda.

My last two pregnancy cycles, I started eating carrots because I read that they may help increase your CM. I'm not sure if its working this cycle, but then again, a wonderful commenter did remind me that CM can change overnight, from sticky to EW, which is absolutely true in my case too. If the carrots dont work out this cycle (which I shouldn't even type b/c I'm operating on faith), does anyone have any suggestions to increase CM? I've heard of taking Mucinex or Robitussin, but when in the cycle would I take those? Are there any other natural alternatives?

I'm still working on keeping the faith. I believe I receive.

bracing myself

(I've been super duper busy at work and haven't had time to blog all week till today. I finally caught up on my fellow bloggy buddies. And no worries, I'm here and doing well.)

Today, I'm bracing myself. I've been looking forward to today because we will be going to a baby lu'au. (First year baby party). But then I realized this morning, crap, people will most likely be bombarding us with questions of ....when will you guys be having kids? I hate those questions. I know they are well intended, but really, how the heck do you answer that question when you've gone through two miscarriages and have not been able to TTC for the past 6 months? My DH, he's a rock. He's totally not worried about it, and will likely say something like -- well, when it happens -- or some other similar response. I'm trying to take his approach, but I dunno, I feel like I'm more of a planner, and want to have a response "gun" ready. And no, i'm not one of those people that can get all haughty in my response....so whatever it is I say, it's got to be nice. Hmmmm..........any suggestions?

CD 11 today --- it's looking like my cycles are still the same very very long 33-36 days...so I wont be Oing for another week and a half. Man, oh man, it seems like all I'm ever doing on this journey is waiting!!!

The BIG appointment, wasn't so big.....

Anti-climatic. That's what the appointment was. I went in, the doc did his thing, and I still dont know if I can start TTC.

Ok, let me explain more. I went in, and the doc did an endometrial biopsy (he called it a "wimpy D&C"). It was in an in-office procedure and damn, that sh$T hurt!!!!!! It was quick though, but the cramping still hurt afterward. I took two advil (had to buy some at he downstairs OTC pharmacy) and that helped. However, I wont know the results (whether I still have hyperplasia) until he calls me on Tuesday or WEdnesday. He had to send the sample to the lab and b/c its a long weekend, I wont know till Tuesday or Wednesday. The good news is that he did say that the lining looked pretty thin, so he didn't think I still had hyperplasia.

Here comes the bad part -- kinda. He said that I should finish out the pill pack (I have about 10 days left of colored pills) and then I should wait 2 months until I get pregnant. He said he wants my lining and cycle to have more of a chance to get back to normal. My thoughts on that - I will finish out the pill pack (or come close to it as I can - which may be only till I get the call on Tuesday or Wednesday), but I dont think I'm going to wait 2 more months before TTC. I have a feeling its going to take me 2 months just to get the hang of temping and timing my BDing. I mean, last time I started TTC after taking the pill, it took me 3 months before my first pregnancy. So my plan is to start TTC right away.

Call me crazy, but I feel as if I've been waiting FOREVER and I've always been following the doctor's orders. (Except for getting pregnant immediately after my 1st MC and not waiting a cycle). I also feel as if my body is back to normal (except for being on BCPs) and the extra two months of waiting is unnecessary precaution - you know, how doctors say things just to be extra duperly cautious. I think that when my body is ready to get pregnant, it will, whether it be on my first cycle TTC or my 3rd.

So that's my decision. Let me know what u think. Feel free to be brutally honest...I respect that.

And I'll keep you posted as to the lab results. I'm confident it will be fine.