DH and I are headed to NYC, DC and Virginia for a two week vacation tomorrow. I wont be able to log on to post or read posts. We'll be very vigilant in avoiding the swine flu.
Be back on May 14 and I'll be THAT much closer to my next appointment on May 19!!!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Secret's out!
Well, my secret is out at work!!! Ack! Way before I intended it to be.
It all started because the regular gang I have lunch with (several members of our staff) asked me about my co-worker/colleague (she and I are the only two in our company of the same position) (whom I've described before as finding out she was pregnant with #2 just before I found out about my own pregnancy). I had been given blessings from my co-worker friend to tell the lunch gang people if ever asked, so I admitted with excitement that yes, she was pregnant and due in late October or early November. The conversation stayed on her and how they had had their notions of her pregnancy and were glad to confirm it.
However, the conversation then veered to questions of when I was going to start having kids, but I dodged the question like I normally do. But they must have sensed my dodgy-ness because they pressured me on and continued talking about it. Then they started joking around saying that it would be funny if I was pregnant too and both my co-worker and I were out at the same time, and the whole time I was laughing along and trying to be non-chalant about it (while dying inside because they were so right). Finally, one of them called me on my lack of concrete answers and direclty asked me straight out if I was pregnant too. And of course, my smile couldn't be contained and I couldn't straight out lie....and so the secret was out!!!
They were all so excited for me and hugged me and wished me well. (I'm one of the youngest in the enitre office and they were there for my engagement and marriage.) They asked when I was due and how far along I was and blah, blah, blah. I told them I hadn't told my bosses yet (yup, I have bosses....) and that they needed to keep this under wraps until I get back from my trip where I will tell the bossdes after my first trimester. (Man oh man are the bosses going to love it that both me and my co-worker will be out around the same time, but that's a whole other story). Just then, our office manager walked in to the lunchroom, and so we changed the subject.
I'm terrified that the secret is out! They dont know about my two prior losses. It'll be devastating if I have to retract my pregnancy to my working lunch gang.....but I'm going to think positive. I will NOT have to retract my pregnancy news. I will give birth to a healthy perfect child this December! I believe I receive!
It all started because the regular gang I have lunch with (several members of our staff) asked me about my co-worker/colleague (she and I are the only two in our company of the same position) (whom I've described before as finding out she was pregnant with #2 just before I found out about my own pregnancy). I had been given blessings from my co-worker friend to tell the lunch gang people if ever asked, so I admitted with excitement that yes, she was pregnant and due in late October or early November. The conversation stayed on her and how they had had their notions of her pregnancy and were glad to confirm it.
However, the conversation then veered to questions of when I was going to start having kids, but I dodged the question like I normally do. But they must have sensed my dodgy-ness because they pressured me on and continued talking about it. Then they started joking around saying that it would be funny if I was pregnant too and both my co-worker and I were out at the same time, and the whole time I was laughing along and trying to be non-chalant about it (while dying inside because they were so right). Finally, one of them called me on my lack of concrete answers and direclty asked me straight out if I was pregnant too. And of course, my smile couldn't be contained and I couldn't straight out lie....and so the secret was out!!!
They were all so excited for me and hugged me and wished me well. (I'm one of the youngest in the enitre office and they were there for my engagement and marriage.) They asked when I was due and how far along I was and blah, blah, blah. I told them I hadn't told my bosses yet (yup, I have bosses....) and that they needed to keep this under wraps until I get back from my trip where I will tell the bossdes after my first trimester. (Man oh man are the bosses going to love it that both me and my co-worker will be out around the same time, but that's a whole other story). Just then, our office manager walked in to the lunchroom, and so we changed the subject.
I'm terrified that the secret is out! They dont know about my two prior losses. It'll be devastating if I have to retract my pregnancy to my working lunch gang.....but I'm going to think positive. I will NOT have to retract my pregnancy news. I will give birth to a healthy perfect child this December! I believe I receive!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Bloated & Baby Gift
This is going to be a double-topic post.
First up, here's the latest belly pic at 8 weeks 2 days, taken approximately 4 weeks after my first belly pic (shown in the side bar). You can tell I'm getting bloated. In fact, I purchased a bella band on line, (my very first maternity thing EVER!) and started using it today to help keep some of my work pants up without buttoning up. What's the reason for all this weight (besides eating like crazy)? Apparently the baby is the size of a raspberry and is to grow to the size of a large green olive by the end of this week. My uterus is also supposed to be the size of a grapefruit right now, while normally it's the size of a fist. I cannot wait till I really start showing, rather than just looking chunky and bloated. I noticed that at night, my little belly pooch sticks out more than it does in the mornings when I wake up. That's supposed to be attributed to my full bowel and stomach from eating food during the day. It's the case of the disappearing little belly. lol.
Next up, my FIRST EVER baby item!!! It was purchased for me by my co-worker. She's taken my pregnancy to heart since she was there for me during my 2nd miscarriage. She's cried through my heartaches and rejoiced in my triumphs. She also the one who's been giving me Bible study lessons. She's a little overzealous in my pregnancy, but her support is always welcomed.
And here's a close up of the picture. It says "Mommy Loves Me" and in that, it's very accurate.
This is a big step for me, buying maternity clothes (well a belly band) and having a baby item in my possession. I've never gotten this far before in my prior pregnancies...well technically, I found out about my 2nd MC at 9weeks 2 days and had the D&C at what would have been the end of my 10th week...but hey, who's counting?
I'm still very tentative in making any definite plans about baby names, nursery items, and other pregnancy related things. I like to focus on the imediate week and work on getting through that. For me, it's all about celebrating days and weeks at this point. Maybe sometime in my 2nd tri-mester I'll get really serious.
First up, here's the latest belly pic at 8 weeks 2 days, taken approximately 4 weeks after my first belly pic (shown in the side bar). You can tell I'm getting bloated. In fact, I purchased a bella band on line, (my very first maternity thing EVER!) and started using it today to help keep some of my work pants up without buttoning up. What's the reason for all this weight (besides eating like crazy)? Apparently the baby is the size of a raspberry and is to grow to the size of a large green olive by the end of this week. My uterus is also supposed to be the size of a grapefruit right now, while normally it's the size of a fist. I cannot wait till I really start showing, rather than just looking chunky and bloated. I noticed that at night, my little belly pooch sticks out more than it does in the mornings when I wake up. That's supposed to be attributed to my full bowel and stomach from eating food during the day. It's the case of the disappearing little belly. lol.
Next up, my FIRST EVER baby item!!! It was purchased for me by my co-worker. She's taken my pregnancy to heart since she was there for me during my 2nd miscarriage. She's cried through my heartaches and rejoiced in my triumphs. She also the one who's been giving me Bible study lessons. She's a little overzealous in my pregnancy, but her support is always welcomed.
And here's a close up of the picture. It says "Mommy Loves Me" and in that, it's very accurate.
This is a big step for me, buying maternity clothes (well a belly band) and having a baby item in my possession. I've never gotten this far before in my prior pregnancies...well technically, I found out about my 2nd MC at 9weeks 2 days and had the D&C at what would have been the end of my 10th week...but hey, who's counting?
I'm still very tentative in making any definite plans about baby names, nursery items, and other pregnancy related things. I like to focus on the imediate week and work on getting through that. For me, it's all about celebrating days and weeks at this point. Maybe sometime in my 2nd tri-mester I'll get really serious.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Symptom-less
Today, at 7w3d, is a symptom-less day. I feel less nauseated, almost normal, and the bb's are less sore. Yesterday, was a symptom-full day. Felt nauseated for most of the day and the bb's were super sore. Over the weekend, I think I was more symptom-full than less. I woke up this morning and even commented to the hubsters that I felt less pregnant. Ugh. I know its common for symptoms to come and go, and that I'm probably lucky -blah, blah, blah, but I dont know if I like this yo-yo.
I started researching home heart fetal monitors. I'm know I'm way to early for something like this, but man, over 1 month in between doctor's visits to reassure me that all is well down there, is asking a lot for me in terms of faith. But then again, that's what I've been preaching -- walking by faith and not by sight.
So with that said, I better contine to stand on my faith....the Lord has blessed me and this child will be fine. I believe I receive. "Strong in faith...fully persuaded that what God has promised, He is able to perform." Romans 4:20-21.
More on the first baby gift I've received in a little bit -- perhaps on one of those days where I'm symptom-full.
I started researching home heart fetal monitors. I'm know I'm way to early for something like this, but man, over 1 month in between doctor's visits to reassure me that all is well down there, is asking a lot for me in terms of faith. But then again, that's what I've been preaching -- walking by faith and not by sight.
So with that said, I better contine to stand on my faith....the Lord has blessed me and this child will be fine. I believe I receive. "Strong in faith...fully persuaded that what God has promised, He is able to perform." Romans 4:20-21.
More on the first baby gift I've received in a little bit -- perhaps on one of those days where I'm symptom-full.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
I forgot!
OMG...As I was reading through todays LFCA, I realized that I FORGOT my 2nd unfulfilled due date. It was April 19th, this past Sunday. How can you forget something like that??? Well, I guess I know how, by getting pregnant and having pregnancy brain and going on a trip in 9 days to NYC, DC and Virginia!!!! Oh and having a wonderful little bean whose heart is just beating beating away in your little tummy. And have morning sickness (or as I call it, all day light nausea) and extremely sore boobies and going hiking with your hubbsters and your loveable hugable doggie.......and being treated like a princess b/c you're carrying the hubsters child. Anyways, my 2nd unfulfilled due date came and went, and I was almost none the wiser.
Yesterday, I got my first baby item ever as a gift. It's making this all the more real for me. More about that in tomorrow's post.
Yesterday, I got my first baby item ever as a gift. It's making this all the more real for me. More about that in tomorrow's post.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
uterus stretching
These last few days, I've felt a stretching, dull cramp like feeling in my uterus area. The feelings are not constant, but instead come and go through out the day. Nothing sharp, and different from AF cramps. I read on my WTE board that several other women as far along in their pregnancies as me also feel it too. We're chalking it up to our uterus's expanding and making room for baby. Any one else feel this too? I just made 7 weeks pregnant today.
I wish there were ultrasounds every week.
I believe I receive!
P.S. I got tagged by Emmy to do the 6th folder, 6th picture thingy....so here it is:
This picture was taken on my birthday three years ago. This was an out of town trip to my home town that my girlfriends and I took to celebrate my birthday. We're at a bay after a two hour long drive exploring the countryside of my home town. It was a very fun day. The one on the far right just had a baby boy on Easter Sunday. The third girl from the left has a son who will be turning one at the end of May. I'm the girl in the blue towel....and I look pretty tough, but I'm really nice, I promise. lol.
I wish there were ultrasounds every week.
I believe I receive!
P.S. I got tagged by Emmy to do the 6th folder, 6th picture thingy....so here it is:
This picture was taken on my birthday three years ago. This was an out of town trip to my home town that my girlfriends and I took to celebrate my birthday. We're at a bay after a two hour long drive exploring the countryside of my home town. It was a very fun day. The one on the far right just had a baby boy on Easter Sunday. The third girl from the left has a son who will be turning one at the end of May. I'm the girl in the blue towel....and I look pretty tough, but I'm really nice, I promise. lol.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Disenfranchised
So I'm a little disenfranchised with my doctor, again. Remember, this is the new doctor, Dr. M., the doctor I switched to after my last MC b/c my last doctor, Dr. B., though she had great bedside manners, kept referring me out to other doctors to perform the complicated procedures of D&C HSG and hysteroscopy. It was getting to be a bit of a nuisance, having to bounce back and forth, so I finally stuck with the doctor she kept referring me to. So Dr. M was the one who diagnosed my septum and fixed it. He is also the doctor I saw for my last u/s appointment.
However, I felt really rushed at my last appointment (and part of it is likely due to my own flabbergasted-ness when we saw that heartbeat), so I didn't get to spend as much time as I would have preferred and asked all of the questions I had. And, I feel uncomfortable with the way he advised me not to take this trip in 2 weeks. He advised against it only because he didn't want me to feel guilty should something happen, based on my history. I admit, my chagrin to his advice could be partially my fault, because I did want his blessings before I traipsed off to NYC...but still, he could have been a little more sensitive about his response and discussed his concerns (if any, which I dont really think there were any real health concerns for him) with me, before flat out saying no.
Lastly, I'm disenfranchised because I wrote him an email after the appointment, asking him a few questions that I wasn't able to ask him during the appointment. One of the questions I asked was whethere there were any big "do's" and "dont's" for me. He mentioned several things I already knew, but he also stated "normally intercourse is ok, but due to my history, he would advise against it." Ummmmm, hellloooooooooooooo, no sex????? WTH? No explanation....nothing. And I didn't even ask about that. I'm not a sex-fiend or anything, but what, are we not supposed to have sex for 9 months? And about "my history" I did not miscarry because I had sex....I miscarried because I had a septum. And I've had tons of s-e-x during this pregnancy and look, we saw the heartbeat just fine. I just dont get it....why would he advise me not to have intercourse if I had no cause for concern about sex before? I have not even spotted after intercourse before...and it's not like we get all wild and crazy (I know, TMI.)
So basically, doc is telling me not to travel (for no real health reason other than for peace of mind, if something should happen) and not to have sex (probably for the same reasons). I dont think I'm going to follow his advice. I dont think he's right at all. I know he's just looking out for my best interests, but I really feel that he doesn't know my body like I do and that I can make a decision about these things independently. I'm grateful for his advice, and I realize that he is the doctor, and i'm the patient and that he's saying these things for my own good, but I'm just a little disenfranchised with it......Maybe I'll switch back to Dr. B after the first tri-mester? I wonder if doctors get offended by that kinda stuff?
I know what I'll do, I'll pray about all of this...God will show me the way.
However, I felt really rushed at my last appointment (and part of it is likely due to my own flabbergasted-ness when we saw that heartbeat), so I didn't get to spend as much time as I would have preferred and asked all of the questions I had. And, I feel uncomfortable with the way he advised me not to take this trip in 2 weeks. He advised against it only because he didn't want me to feel guilty should something happen, based on my history. I admit, my chagrin to his advice could be partially my fault, because I did want his blessings before I traipsed off to NYC...but still, he could have been a little more sensitive about his response and discussed his concerns (if any, which I dont really think there were any real health concerns for him) with me, before flat out saying no.
Lastly, I'm disenfranchised because I wrote him an email after the appointment, asking him a few questions that I wasn't able to ask him during the appointment. One of the questions I asked was whethere there were any big "do's" and "dont's" for me. He mentioned several things I already knew, but he also stated "normally intercourse is ok, but due to my history, he would advise against it." Ummmmm, hellloooooooooooooo, no sex????? WTH? No explanation....nothing. And I didn't even ask about that. I'm not a sex-fiend or anything, but what, are we not supposed to have sex for 9 months? And about "my history" I did not miscarry because I had sex....I miscarried because I had a septum. And I've had tons of s-e-x during this pregnancy and look, we saw the heartbeat just fine. I just dont get it....why would he advise me not to have intercourse if I had no cause for concern about sex before? I have not even spotted after intercourse before...and it's not like we get all wild and crazy (I know, TMI.)
So basically, doc is telling me not to travel (for no real health reason other than for peace of mind, if something should happen) and not to have sex (probably for the same reasons). I dont think I'm going to follow his advice. I dont think he's right at all. I know he's just looking out for my best interests, but I really feel that he doesn't know my body like I do and that I can make a decision about these things independently. I'm grateful for his advice, and I realize that he is the doctor, and i'm the patient and that he's saying these things for my own good, but I'm just a little disenfranchised with it......Maybe I'll switch back to Dr. B after the first tri-mester? I wonder if doctors get offended by that kinda stuff?
I know what I'll do, I'll pray about all of this...God will show me the way.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Without further adieu...
Introducing our little miracle and blessing from the Lord:
I've also put these two pics into my flickr on the side bar.
Thank you all so much for your well wishes and support. It means a very very lot to me. Now, on to focusing and praying that my next appointment - which is on May 19, just over 1 month away, goes just as smoothly. Grow little one grow! Beat little heart beat! The Lord has truly blessed us.
I've also put these two pics into my flickr on the side bar.
Thank you all so much for your well wishes and support. It means a very very lot to me. Now, on to focusing and praying that my next appointment - which is on May 19, just over 1 month away, goes just as smoothly. Grow little one grow! Beat little heart beat! The Lord has truly blessed us.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Praise God, we have a heartbeat!
I cried when the technician said that everything looks good. =) And she found baby ASAP with the vaginal ultrasound. I'll post pictures tonight.
Can you believe it? We have a living baby in mah belleh! Whew, talk about a sigh of relief, a shout of joy and endless praise to the Lord. You should have seen me, the whole drive to the appointment, I was praying over and over saying aloud various pieces of scriptures I had read and could remember by heart. I kept praying softly even in the doctor's office. I kept praying even just before the ultra sound. And of course, I praised God after the appointment was over.
So baby is measuring 6 weeks 2 days. I'm due December 6 and the heart beat was nice and strong for his or her age at 122BPM. DH and I got to see the flicker on the screen, and we got to listen to it, and boy was it music to my ears. It's AMAZING to imagine that there is a tiny little living thing inside me. Thank you thank you Lord, for you are truly good!
I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders.
I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.
Psalm 9:1-2.
So, today, I believe I saw two signs from God that everything was ok. One was a rainbow as I drove into work. It appeared over the hill just as I was feeling a little anxiety come over me regarding the appointment. The second sign was today's daily devotional from KCM. It was about Genesis Chapter one and God's ability TO CREATE by stating His Word. Not sure if you remember, but for the new year I wrote a letter to God (as a part of a tradition where my friends write a letter to the universe every NYE and burn it as we watch the first sunrise of the new year) and my word for the year was "Creation" because I was planning to Create our litttle baby this year, in 2009. If you wanna refresh your memmory about what I said in that letter (you know, because you so aptly want to keep up with the daily nuances of my life), read this post here.
Ok, here's the kicker, I'm measuring 6weeks 2days, but according to FF, I should have been 6 weeks 6 days. Ugh....doesn't this motherhood stuff ever get easier? I mean c'mon, I completed one hurdle - I SAW MY BABY'S HEARTBEAT FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY and now I have to worry if I'm measuring behind? The doc didn't seem to concerned, but unfortunately, he didn't spend much time with me. I didn't even get to whip out my pregnancy book with my questions. All I got to ask about was my upcoming trip. I'm thinking, maybe I should switch back to my old OB, you know the one who had great bedside manners, but couldn't handle all of my prior MC complications and surgeries? Now that I'm relegating myself (by faith) into normal pregnancy status, maybe I can go back to her? Ah, I guess its something to consider in another post. Anyways, guess I'm going to be updating my EDD and tickers to December 6.
And here's the other "kicker." Remember that long awaited trip DH and I had planned to fly to NYC, DC and Virginia in 2 weeks? Well doc recommends not to go. However, the only reason why he said he wouldn't recommend me going is because based on my history, he wouldn't want me to feel guilty if something happened. He did not say that he was worried about the traveling and its affect on my pregnancy. He just didn't want me to feel worried. Thank you very much doc, but I wasn't worried, but now that you're saying that, you're giving me reason to be worried. Am I going to call of the trip? Probably not. I know myself and my body and I know that this baby is going to do what it wants with or without the trip. Not to worry, I'm going to pray about it and make sure that what ever I decide is in my and this baby's best interest.
Can you believe it? We have a living baby in mah belleh! Whew, talk about a sigh of relief, a shout of joy and endless praise to the Lord. You should have seen me, the whole drive to the appointment, I was praying over and over saying aloud various pieces of scriptures I had read and could remember by heart. I kept praying softly even in the doctor's office. I kept praying even just before the ultra sound. And of course, I praised God after the appointment was over.
So baby is measuring 6 weeks 2 days. I'm due December 6 and the heart beat was nice and strong for his or her age at 122BPM. DH and I got to see the flicker on the screen, and we got to listen to it, and boy was it music to my ears. It's AMAZING to imagine that there is a tiny little living thing inside me. Thank you thank you Lord, for you are truly good!
I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders.
I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.
Psalm 9:1-2.
So, today, I believe I saw two signs from God that everything was ok. One was a rainbow as I drove into work. It appeared over the hill just as I was feeling a little anxiety come over me regarding the appointment. The second sign was today's daily devotional from KCM. It was about Genesis Chapter one and God's ability TO CREATE by stating His Word. Not sure if you remember, but for the new year I wrote a letter to God (as a part of a tradition where my friends write a letter to the universe every NYE and burn it as we watch the first sunrise of the new year) and my word for the year was "Creation" because I was planning to Create our litttle baby this year, in 2009. If you wanna refresh your memmory about what I said in that letter (you know, because you so aptly want to keep up with the daily nuances of my life), read this post here.
Ok, here's the kicker, I'm measuring 6weeks 2days, but according to FF, I should have been 6 weeks 6 days. Ugh....doesn't this motherhood stuff ever get easier? I mean c'mon, I completed one hurdle - I SAW MY BABY'S HEARTBEAT FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY and now I have to worry if I'm measuring behind? The doc didn't seem to concerned, but unfortunately, he didn't spend much time with me. I didn't even get to whip out my pregnancy book with my questions. All I got to ask about was my upcoming trip. I'm thinking, maybe I should switch back to my old OB, you know the one who had great bedside manners, but couldn't handle all of my prior MC complications and surgeries? Now that I'm relegating myself (by faith) into normal pregnancy status, maybe I can go back to her? Ah, I guess its something to consider in another post. Anyways, guess I'm going to be updating my EDD and tickers to December 6.
And here's the other "kicker." Remember that long awaited trip DH and I had planned to fly to NYC, DC and Virginia in 2 weeks? Well doc recommends not to go. However, the only reason why he said he wouldn't recommend me going is because based on my history, he wouldn't want me to feel guilty if something happened. He did not say that he was worried about the traveling and its affect on my pregnancy. He just didn't want me to feel worried. Thank you very much doc, but I wasn't worried, but now that you're saying that, you're giving me reason to be worried. Am I going to call of the trip? Probably not. I know myself and my body and I know that this baby is going to do what it wants with or without the trip. Not to worry, I'm going to pray about it and make sure that what ever I decide is in my and this baby's best interest.
Monday, April 13, 2009
1 more day!
Oh man, tomorrow is THE DAY! (You'd think I was giving birth tomorrow or something based on all this hype I'm making.) Surprisingly, I'm getting more and more confident as we get closer (I think). For some reason, I'm just confident that all is going well down there. I think it's because this time, while my symptoms still are very mild, are more present than my last two pregnancies. I never really noticed constipation last time. The nausea wasn't as present last tiime either. Dont get me wrong, my nausea is wonderful (literally, I really dont feel it much), but it's there. It's kinda funny, like just a funky, yucky feeling that ebbs and flows throughout the day and evening. I guess it really started the last couple of days (I'm currenlty 6 weeks 5 days). I wonder if it'll get worse? Part of me welcomes it. The other cool symptom I have is the boobies. Unfortunately, my guys are still smallish-(34 B's - always have been, looks like always will be), but they're feeling fuller and the nipps are still tender. The nips are a bit more protruded and those montgomery glands are definitly there and funky looking. And lastly, I'm looking a little bloated down there. My weight has stayed the same, and I think I've even lost a couple pounds due to my healthy eating habits, but I sure look bloated. With my clothes off, I can see my belly is a little more rounded. I know it's just bloat at this point, but I cant wait to start really showing (and feeling that baby move!) Anyways, I digress...the main point of this post is to say that tomorrow, we'll get to see our little one!!!
I BELIEVE I RECEIVE!
In other news, I CANT WAIT to start telling people. Yesterday at our Easter luncheon with DH's extended family, we got the question AGAIN of when DH and I are going to start having children. Of course, I ignored the question (made like I didn't hear it) and DH just responded, "I dont know, we'd like one soon." Oh how'd I'd love to say in response, well, we're having children soon, in fact we're due this December !
The ignorant commenter (though meaning well) then said, "c'mon, you dont want to be 60 when your kids are graduating highschool." We're not that old, thank you very much!!! and even if we were, nothing's wrong with that. In fact, I have two very close friends who have "older" parents and they grew up with a lot more opportunities than I ever did. Their parents were more established and well off when they were growing up, as will DH and I be when our children are growing up. We'll definitely be able to offer our children much more than both of our families could afford. (That's my consolation anyways, because truthfully, I always wanted to be a young mom.) Actually, now that I think about it, I'm glad we're having children now at this time in our lives. DH and I have a very strong marriage. We're financially ok, not great, but ok. We've been able to travel (and will be traveling again in 2 and 1/2 weeks!!) and have lived great lives. This is the perfect time to start a family. C'mon little one, we cant wait to meet you tomorrow!
I BELIEVE I RECEIVE!
In other news, I CANT WAIT to start telling people. Yesterday at our Easter luncheon with DH's extended family, we got the question AGAIN of when DH and I are going to start having children. Of course, I ignored the question (made like I didn't hear it) and DH just responded, "I dont know, we'd like one soon." Oh how'd I'd love to say in response, well, we're having children soon, in fact we're due this December !
The ignorant commenter (though meaning well) then said, "c'mon, you dont want to be 60 when your kids are graduating highschool." We're not that old, thank you very much!!! and even if we were, nothing's wrong with that. In fact, I have two very close friends who have "older" parents and they grew up with a lot more opportunities than I ever did. Their parents were more established and well off when they were growing up, as will DH and I be when our children are growing up. We'll definitely be able to offer our children much more than both of our families could afford. (That's my consolation anyways, because truthfully, I always wanted to be a young mom.) Actually, now that I think about it, I'm glad we're having children now at this time in our lives. DH and I have a very strong marriage. We're financially ok, not great, but ok. We've been able to travel (and will be traveling again in 2 and 1/2 weeks!!) and have lived great lives. This is the perfect time to start a family. C'mon little one, we cant wait to meet you tomorrow!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
3 more days....
I'll either be super stoked or super bummed in three days. I'm standing on my faith that it'll be the former.
Since my last post, I've been doing ok with pushing away that fear and thinking postive. I haven't been checking the TP as much. However, I must make a concious effort to think postive constantly. Both DH and I talk about the upcoming u/s often and both of us are trying to only think positive. We've even come up with a potential baby name, something that we haven't really allowed ourselves to do before. I'll reveal the name after Tuesday, in celebration of our great news. The name selection is not for sure, as we've spouted out tons of names over the years that we've been together, but for this week, it's a name that I like.
I'll be praying tons and celebrating the Lord's ressurection while we undergo the wait in the next three days.
Thank you Lord for my little miracle and for the perfect report that we'll have on Tuesday. We'll see our little one's heartbeat and have his or her first picture to share with you in three days.
Since my last post, I've been doing ok with pushing away that fear and thinking postive. I haven't been checking the TP as much. However, I must make a concious effort to think postive constantly. Both DH and I talk about the upcoming u/s often and both of us are trying to only think positive. We've even come up with a potential baby name, something that we haven't really allowed ourselves to do before. I'll reveal the name after Tuesday, in celebration of our great news. The name selection is not for sure, as we've spouted out tons of names over the years that we've been together, but for this week, it's a name that I like.
I'll be praying tons and celebrating the Lord's ressurection while we undergo the wait in the next three days.
Thank you Lord for my little miracle and for the perfect report that we'll have on Tuesday. We'll see our little one's heartbeat and have his or her first picture to share with you in three days.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Do not be afraid
Thanks to fellow blogger, Amy, I was reminded of a very important scripture that I'm going to re-read every day (as I've wrote it on a post-it and put it on my work computer where I sit all day long). It says:
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8.
I've been having a constant battle with fear and worry. It's tough, when you've had two prior MCs, there's a fear that it will happen again. I look at my TP every time I wipe to see if there's blood. When I feel "moisture" down there, I have to resist the urge to go "check" to see if its blood, and I admit, sometimes the urge gets the best of me. I get nervous when I dont "feel" any symptoms. I replay the last ultra sound I had where the technician was silent, then excused herself to go get the doctor, who then told me I was a "mist" or someone who they were not sure if I was just 3 weeks behind or miscarrying.
But I must and do consciously choose to push these thoughts out of my head. I choose to cast aside my fears and my worries. I remind myself to be "strong in faith...fully persuaded that what God has promised, He is able to perform!" Romans 4:20-21. I know that I am blessed, and the fruit of my womb, this little baby is blessed. I just need to focus on those thoughts for six more days.
On the pregnancy symptom front, I think I felt more morning sickness than usual as I was getting ready for work this morning, but thankfully, the feelings have subsided. I've noticed that the two times I felt really sick were both times when I wasn't satisfied with what I had for breakfast. Today I practically gagged when I ate this mango relish recipie thing that I got from WTEWE. The nips are not as sensitive today, but I swear, both me and DH thought they looked larger than usual last night. Still peeing often, feeling thirsty often, and hungry every few hours. I may have had constipation for the last couple of days b/c everytime I feel like going, when I get there, I just sorta sit (TMI, i know) without much "productivity" so to speak. I'm not sure, I've never really had constipation, but I imagine that this is probably a mild case of it.
6 more days!!!
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8.
I've been having a constant battle with fear and worry. It's tough, when you've had two prior MCs, there's a fear that it will happen again. I look at my TP every time I wipe to see if there's blood. When I feel "moisture" down there, I have to resist the urge to go "check" to see if its blood, and I admit, sometimes the urge gets the best of me. I get nervous when I dont "feel" any symptoms. I replay the last ultra sound I had where the technician was silent, then excused herself to go get the doctor, who then told me I was a "mist" or someone who they were not sure if I was just 3 weeks behind or miscarrying.
But I must and do consciously choose to push these thoughts out of my head. I choose to cast aside my fears and my worries. I remind myself to be "strong in faith...fully persuaded that what God has promised, He is able to perform!" Romans 4:20-21. I know that I am blessed, and the fruit of my womb, this little baby is blessed. I just need to focus on those thoughts for six more days.
On the pregnancy symptom front, I think I felt more morning sickness than usual as I was getting ready for work this morning, but thankfully, the feelings have subsided. I've noticed that the two times I felt really sick were both times when I wasn't satisfied with what I had for breakfast. Today I practically gagged when I ate this mango relish recipie thing that I got from WTEWE. The nips are not as sensitive today, but I swear, both me and DH thought they looked larger than usual last night. Still peeing often, feeling thirsty often, and hungry every few hours. I may have had constipation for the last couple of days b/c everytime I feel like going, when I get there, I just sorta sit (TMI, i know) without much "productivity" so to speak. I'm not sure, I've never really had constipation, but I imagine that this is probably a mild case of it.
6 more days!!!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
confession time
Alright, after acting all high and mighty about not giving in to the urge to POAS, I did it last night. Hey, last time I did it was last week monday, so once per week, I say I'm doing pretty good. So, the funny story about this POAS session. For a few seconds only one line showed up, and I was confused. Then a second line appeared and I was happy. Then I realized, the first line to show up was the positive pregnancy test line. It showed up about 10 seconds before the control line! lol. Isn't that weird? I guess that means that my HCG levels are much higher than 25 or 50 or whatever the sensitivity of the HPT internet cheapies are. Well, at least I know I'm still pregnant. lol.
Hopefully, this POAS sesssion should hold me over for the next week as I wait for the ultrasound appointment. I hope that Easter Weekend keeps me occupied. I'm sure next week Monday will drag by. Part of me wants time to drag by, because I get to stay in this blissful sense of not knowing and hopiing. But then again, not knowing is also very difficult, and it would be glorious to know that we have a heartbeat.
Hopefully, this POAS sesssion should hold me over for the next week as I wait for the ultrasound appointment. I hope that Easter Weekend keeps me occupied. I'm sure next week Monday will drag by. Part of me wants time to drag by, because I get to stay in this blissful sense of not knowing and hopiing. But then again, not knowing is also very difficult, and it would be glorious to know that we have a heartbeat.
Monday, April 6, 2009
No news is good news.
Not much to say other than we have 8 more days until we find out if there's really an actual living baby in there. The suspense is building. I'm still thinking positive, and saying to myself that I'm pregnant till proven otherwise. We'll all know by the end of next week Tuesday (4/14).
On the symptom front not much new going on. Still have to pee every 2 hours and wake up at least once per night to pee. The nips are still sensitive, but not too painful. I experience a slight queezy feeling off and on, but haven't really felt any real legitimate morning sickness since my last post. And I'm hungry about every two hours. I feel like I want to eat all the time. I'm working on keeping healthy snacks in reach...hopefully, this eating thing wont translate into too much weight gain.
I overcame the urge to POAS one more time yesterday and this morning due to the lack of extraordinary symptoms. But I figure, i wont learn much more from a positive HPT other than my HCG level is greater than 25. Gonna try to hold out till the appointment, that's the real biggie. Still praying for a perfect report.
On the symptom front not much new going on. Still have to pee every 2 hours and wake up at least once per night to pee. The nips are still sensitive, but not too painful. I experience a slight queezy feeling off and on, but haven't really felt any real legitimate morning sickness since my last post. And I'm hungry about every two hours. I feel like I want to eat all the time. I'm working on keeping healthy snacks in reach...hopefully, this eating thing wont translate into too much weight gain.
I overcame the urge to POAS one more time yesterday and this morning due to the lack of extraordinary symptoms. But I figure, i wont learn much more from a positive HPT other than my HCG level is greater than 25. Gonna try to hold out till the appointment, that's the real biggie. Still praying for a perfect report.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Feeling normal.
It's amazing what a difference one day can make. I woke up this morning and I feel completely normal. I must have definitely been feeling morning sickness yesterday, because now that I feel back to normal, I can tell the difference. Am I worried that I dont feel any symptoms today? Not one bit (ok, well maybe just a teeny, tiny, tad bit, but really, I'm not going to give in to fear at all). I've read that symptoms can come and go, and today must be a "go" day. That's fine by me. =)
Things with DH are back to normal as I suspected. You know how marriages go, you have mostly good days, but once in a while you have an argument that turns into a bad day (or for us, a bad evening). We're getting really excited with upcoming plans for a two week vacation we're taking from April 30 through May 14 (27 days from now!!). We're heading to NYC, Washington DC and Virginia. The excuse is to see DH's mom and sister who recently moved to Virginia, but the real reason is to go to NYC and DC. We both have never been (well I went to DC when I was little, but dont really remember much), so we're super excited! This will be our first trip since our honeymoon last fall. To get us in the mood, we're having a movie night tonight, where we'll watch our home video footage from our honeymoon. We've never really watched our video footage from the honeymoon so it'll be good to get into the excitement of traveling and get some pointers on how to take a better home video.
We'll be staying in two very nice hotels while in NYC and DC and we're really excited because we dont normally splurge. (Actually, we didn't splurge this time either, we're using a family rate from my Uncle who works in a hotel in the Waldorf-Astoria hotel line!). We've also got tickets to see the New York Yankess v. the Boston Red Sox (a rivalry which I hear is the game to see!). We have plans to watch a Broadway play too, not sure which one, but I've heard great things about Wicked. I've also written to my local congressperson to try and get us a tour in the White House. There's so much to do and so much to see, I'm sure we'll be jam packed with stuff.
And on the telling people front... Last night I had dinner with a very close group of girlfriends. We call ourselves the pho-5 because the 5 of us always go out to eat pho about once a month and have been doing so for a few years now. I did not tell them about the prior pregnancies and losses until a few weeks after the events (except for one of them who is a very close friend who knew about them as they were ongoing). However, when I told them about my history, they were soooo supportive. Hence, this time around I made the decision to keep them in the loop because ultimately they'll be my support group if anything should go wrong (which NOTHING WILL so I dont even want to type that) or my cheering squad when everything goes right (WHICH IT WILL). When I told them my news, it was soo cute. I waited all through dinner to get the courage, then finally told them. They were sooooo excited for me and one even yelled out loud in the restaraunt. They now know how much I want to become a mommy and have seen the difficulties I've faced. It was nice to hear someone else's excitement about my pregnancy. I guess I haven't really let myself get excited yet, so it was fun to hear others be excited for me.
But in the excitement department, I have big plans to be excited. In about 11 days, I will be one excited little momma, equipped with a perfect ultrasound photo of our little miracle.
Things with DH are back to normal as I suspected. You know how marriages go, you have mostly good days, but once in a while you have an argument that turns into a bad day (or for us, a bad evening). We're getting really excited with upcoming plans for a two week vacation we're taking from April 30 through May 14 (27 days from now!!). We're heading to NYC, Washington DC and Virginia. The excuse is to see DH's mom and sister who recently moved to Virginia, but the real reason is to go to NYC and DC. We both have never been (well I went to DC when I was little, but dont really remember much), so we're super excited! This will be our first trip since our honeymoon last fall. To get us in the mood, we're having a movie night tonight, where we'll watch our home video footage from our honeymoon. We've never really watched our video footage from the honeymoon so it'll be good to get into the excitement of traveling and get some pointers on how to take a better home video.
We'll be staying in two very nice hotels while in NYC and DC and we're really excited because we dont normally splurge. (Actually, we didn't splurge this time either, we're using a family rate from my Uncle who works in a hotel in the Waldorf-Astoria hotel line!). We've also got tickets to see the New York Yankess v. the Boston Red Sox (a rivalry which I hear is the game to see!). We have plans to watch a Broadway play too, not sure which one, but I've heard great things about Wicked. I've also written to my local congressperson to try and get us a tour in the White House. There's so much to do and so much to see, I'm sure we'll be jam packed with stuff.
And on the telling people front... Last night I had dinner with a very close group of girlfriends. We call ourselves the pho-5 because the 5 of us always go out to eat pho about once a month and have been doing so for a few years now. I did not tell them about the prior pregnancies and losses until a few weeks after the events (except for one of them who is a very close friend who knew about them as they were ongoing). However, when I told them about my history, they were soooo supportive. Hence, this time around I made the decision to keep them in the loop because ultimately they'll be my support group if anything should go wrong (which NOTHING WILL so I dont even want to type that) or my cheering squad when everything goes right (WHICH IT WILL). When I told them my news, it was soo cute. I waited all through dinner to get the courage, then finally told them. They were sooooo excited for me and one even yelled out loud in the restaraunt. They now know how much I want to become a mommy and have seen the difficulties I've faced. It was nice to hear someone else's excitement about my pregnancy. I guess I haven't really let myself get excited yet, so it was fun to hear others be excited for me.
But in the excitement department, I have big plans to be excited. In about 11 days, I will be one excited little momma, equipped with a perfect ultrasound photo of our little miracle.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
morning sickness??
I think I'm experiencing morning sickness. Well, a slight version of it, but more so than before. I just feel yucky and nauseous. I'm not gagging, I'm not barfing, but I'm just feeling yucky. It's kinda like a light version of motion/sea sickness. It started this morning, and it hasn't gone away yet (after an hour or so). Generally, I'd feel a little nausea, but it would come and go, and it would definitely go after I eat something or force myself to not think about it. However, this time, none of my prior tactics are working. I had my breakfast (a fruit and yogurt smoothy) and its still here. I feel lightheaded and dont want to make any sudden movements with my head. And I opened my email, and one of the WTE emails I got this morning mentioned a brocolli omelet and all I can think is YUCK!!! bleh. This is kinda cool though, if this is morning sickness. Never really had it before, and not even quite sure if this is it now, but I'm hoping it is....
Other than this weird feeling, the only other real symptom I have at 5weeks 1 day is sore nipples. Yup, just the nipples, not the boobies.
Wait, now that I think about it, I may be moody or irratable. I've been able to keep it under control, (or so I think), but my DH got the worst of it last night. I freaked out about him being on the computer too much (which I think he is), and it ended in a yelling match and him sleeping in our guest bedroom. Things are were ok in the morning, a teeny bit tense, but I hate those kind of arguments. We've got a great relationship and generally get along very well, so when that happens, it sucks. Anyway, I feel sort of uncomfortable airing our dirty laundry, but I guess it's all in the name of sharing my pregnancy symptoms. He's on duty tonight, so I wont see him until tomorrow night when I get home from work, so by then, things will be back to normal.
The other symptom I think I have this week is that I'm hungry, all the time. I'm a little obsessed about my weight and working out, so my goal is to eat well and not gain too much unnecessary weight this pregnancy. So when I do eat, i try to eat healthy. I've been focusing on eating at least one raw fruit and one raw vegetble for my snacks. So far this week, I've been able to keep it up.
12 more days till we see our little one on ultra sound!
Other than this weird feeling, the only other real symptom I have at 5weeks 1 day is sore nipples. Yup, just the nipples, not the boobies.
Wait, now that I think about it, I may be moody or irratable. I've been able to keep it under control, (or so I think), but my DH got the worst of it last night. I freaked out about him being on the computer too much (which I think he is), and it ended in a yelling match and him sleeping in our guest bedroom. Things are were ok in the morning, a teeny bit tense, but I hate those kind of arguments. We've got a great relationship and generally get along very well, so when that happens, it sucks. Anyway, I feel sort of uncomfortable airing our dirty laundry, but I guess it's all in the name of sharing my pregnancy symptoms. He's on duty tonight, so I wont see him until tomorrow night when I get home from work, so by then, things will be back to normal.
The other symptom I think I have this week is that I'm hungry, all the time. I'm a little obsessed about my weight and working out, so my goal is to eat well and not gain too much unnecessary weight this pregnancy. So when I do eat, i try to eat healthy. I've been focusing on eating at least one raw fruit and one raw vegetble for my snacks. So far this week, I've been able to keep it up.
12 more days till we see our little one on ultra sound!
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