Friend's MC

I just heard about a friend's MC. she was 18 weeks along when she lost her son.  this brings back vivid memories of the pain.  i want to take hers away. thinking of things that will be of comfort to her.

38 weeks

I'm 38 weeks 2 days today. I just had my PNA and sadly, I'm just 1 cm dilated and very little, if at all, effacement. I saw Nurse Wonderful again today and she said she thinks I'm going to give birth close to (or after) my due date. =( I'm surprised at how devastated I am by this news. I think part of it is because a friend of mine, who was due just 4 days prior to me, just gave birth on Sunday. (Her water broke a little, so they started her on pitocin). That gave me hope that my time would come soon...but she was dilated for 2 cm for a while already. I just started dilating, and the way Nurse Wonderful said it, it sounded like I was 1 cm at best. =(

The good news is I gained back the 5 lbs I lost over the past few weeks. So I've been given the green light to be able to exercise again. not sure what kind of exercise I'll be doing, but probably lotsa walking and of course - s.e.x. - as DH and I try to speed this little guy's arrival along.

I also now know what a contraction feels like because when NP Wonderful was in there, she massaged the cervix a little to try to get it to soften/open up. The cramping that I felt during this was what she said I could expect to feel when I have contractions. I now know that the BH that I though I was having were not BH, but instead just baby boy, sticking his body out, making my tummy feel hard. that explains why I'm not very dilated at this point despite the "BH" I thought I'd been having daily. lol. Ah well, at least now I know.

So how am I feeling at 38 weeks? Heavy and sore and uncomfortable. Walking hurts. Moving my right leg at all, hurts (even to put on clothes, get out of bed, standing up from a sitting position, everything!) My feet are tired. My body feels tired. My brain feels tired. I think a lot of this has to do with not only being 38 and a half weeks pregnant, but also the heavy work load I've been enduring for the past 3 weeks, coupled with the house in escrow and all the paperwork and deadlines I'm having to go through associated with that, plus having a part-time DH (since he's gone 3-4 days of the week) and also living with my MIL. It's just too much for me.

I know, I'm throwing myself a pity party. I'll perk up b/c my mom comes into town tomorrow night until Sunday night! Yippee!! (Not sure how this is going to work with MIL visiting since we only have one guest bed. I have a feeling MIL will stay with other relatives while my mom is in town...but I haven't exactly spoken with her about it.)

And last, but certainly not least - here's my 38 week belly photo:



I forgot to measure myself!!! Not to worry, I'll probably have a 39 week belly photo to measure myself with. Ok, pity party B MoM over and out!

Rejoicing in pregnancy

Yesterday, I received an email from a friend of mine who has young child. The purpose of her email was to touch bases with me and her intentions were entirely sweet, but in it she wrote the following which has struck me a little:

I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever (although I just saw you at the mall a little while ago). Just wanted to check up on you to see how you were doing with the pregnancy and all. If you have any questions, LOOK IT UP!! Hehe! I was just telling xxx (she wants to have a baby soon too!) that me and xxxx are the worst people to ask questions to cause we both acted like we weren’t pregnant the whole time. But I told her to ask you cause you would know everything cause you read a lot and look up everything. I never knew how far along I was when people would ask. I just knew, 1) it’s a xxxxx 2) I don’t have a name picked out 3) im due at the end of xxxxx 4) my doctor said everything is fine =)

I'm posting a portion of her email here because....I dont know. I guess part of me feels a little awkward since I'm investing so much time and energy into this pregnancy, much more than my friend has. Like I'm the "uncool nerd" who doesn't have a life other than to think about baby and research about baby etc. But the thing is, I want to do what I'm doing and it makes me happy. I think I mentioned something about my friend in a similar discussion with DH, and he wisely pointed out to me that for us, this baby was definitely planned. We wanted this baby from before he was born. As for my friend, of course she loves her child, but perhaps it wasn't as "planned" as our firecracker was.

I guess what this email shows is just how others can take having a baby and pregnancy for granted. Like its not something to be cherished and loved daily and something to rejoice in daily when you feel your little one's kicks and know that that means he's still alive. Dont get me wrong, my friend is a good, good person and I'm not trying to make her out to be someone bad. She's just super lucky to not have experienced a loss. But you know what, in the end, I think I'm also super lucky, because I'm cherishing and loving this pregnancy and this baby so much more than I probably would have if I didn't have the history of MC (although short lived) that I had.

p.s. I'm 22 weeks 2 days today and my 22 week belly photo is coming. I just need to download it from my camera.

p.p.s. I'll be turning 30 in two days!

ugh

Since this is my 2nd post in 1 day, it'll be short. I've already posted about how my coworker (and friend) has announced her 2nd pregnancy (confidentially to me; she'll announce it when she is further along). She confirmed it today at the doctors and surprised her DH with the news by taking him there under the guise of their wedding anniversary luncheon. She is soo lucky! She has a little girl who is about 1.5 years old. She'll be due in November. I admit it, I'm envious. I'm really really praying that I see a BFP next week, so that I dont have to be confronted with her pregnancy every day at work without a little baby of my own.

almost there....

...to my O date, that is.

I'm starting to see more fertile CM and my temps still have been low. I should see a temperature rise within the next few days. I feel anxious......

I also found out today that my co-worker is pregnant for the SECOND time. She was pregnant with her first child before I was even married and gave birth 2 months before my wedding. Today, she announced to me in confidence (she does know all about my prior MCs and has even had 2 of her own) that she is pregnant again. I'm very happy for her. Of course, at the same time, I feel envious because she's on her second, while I'm still working on #1. This envious feeling will subside soon, I know. That's just how I am. But anyways....it's something I had to share.

Looking forward to O-ing and entering my 2ww soon! C'mon little blessing!