I'm anxious (but I'm really trying not to be). I've been comparing this cycle's post O symptoms to my last cycle when I got a BFP. The biggest difference I see between the two cycles is that in the BFP cycle, I had copious amounts of creamy CM. This cycle, I had much less. Yesterday and the day before, my CM seemed a little more than normal, but today, it's gone away. I really dont know what to make of it. I also keep checking the BBs to see if they're sensitive or sore, and nothing. I may be imagining slight cramps and backaches, but really, they are so faint, that I think it's all in my head.
I'm trying to tell myself that I'm still in the running, because my first BFP cycle, I didn't see any increased CM or sensitive BBs and only realized I was preggo because AF was overdue by 6 days.
I really really want to see a BFP and a December 2009 baby. I've got about 6 more days before AF is due and 7 more days till I plan to test. (As of today, I'm planning to test on 3/25, trying t0 hold out on testing until AF is overdue). I'm so anxious!!!
***Edit - I just went back and reviewed my blog that I kept just after my first MC and during my 2nd BFP and its accompanying journey. I was such a happy go-lucky person in that blog. Cute even. My posts on this blog lack that happy go lucky flair. It really emphasizes my belief that since the 2nd mc, I feel robbed of my innocense. Granted, I'm still a fairly positive person, but its amazing to see the difference in my posts and thus, my attitude from that 2ww to this 2ww. I pray that I will one day be able to get back to that happy go lucky self. This journey has been tough...it's left me scarred from battle, but the war is NOT over. I have the Lord's strength to carry me through....and that's just what I intend to rely on now...when things are getting tough and my anxiety kicks in.
B:
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to try and offer some words of encouragement to you regarding the waiting that you are now going through. I am sure that you might be almost going crazy, trying to keep your mind open, without trying to overanalyze any and twinge or feeling you maybe having, that could be indication that you are PG. At the same time, I know you are secretly hoping and waiting for the first clear tell-tale signs that you are. During the early stages of my pregnancy with Nathan, before I was due for AF to show up, I didn't have any worthwhile symptoms, other than one day where I was really tired. I had sore BBS and some cramping as I got closer to what I thought was AF about to arrive. Even after I had what I thought at first was an abnormal AF, and later learned was implantation bleeding, I still didn't have overly obnoxiously obvious, I am PG symptoms until the spotting had passed nearly a week later. Even my first bought of morning sickness didn't come until about 10 days after the implantation bleeding, leaving me to think that I had some kind of hormonal imbalance or something. It took me 15 days after the onset of the implantation bleeding to even test and of course when I did, I got a huge surprise!
Your time will come.. just hang in there. I don't think you will have to wonder when it will be your time for much longer!!!
I know what you mean about the loss of innocence... it's something I am planning on really writing about soon. The days when being pregnant meant having a baby.... remember those days?
ReplyDeleteIt's like Christmas without a calendar... you know it's gonna happen, but you don't know when.. and there will be a few 'dry runs' when you open up all the presents but there's nothing inside..
I'm here with you!