The story behind the title

So, some of you (you know, all of the three followers I have right now.....lol) may be curious as to what the story is behind the blog title? It appears to be a religious"y" title, yet I haven't even spoken about God or faith once so far.

Well, I really am a faith"y" kind of person. My brief background on my faith - I was born and raised a Catholic. My grandparents (both maternal and paternal) are staunch catholics, my parents - not-so-much. We went to church growing up, but not every sunday like my grandparents did. I went to a Catholic school my whole life, except for college. So I've always known God and He has always been a part of my life, but, sadly, not a big part. During college, when I'd go through those turbulent times (that every typical 20 something goes through) I'd attend church services on my own once in a while, and I always felt better...but the Word wasn't a big part of my life till now.

Dont get me wrong, I've still got eons to go before I'm one of those bonfide "preachy" types, but I've definitely learned a lot about God and the power of his Word and have only begun to really read the Bible and its message since my pregnancies and miscarriages. It all started when I began attending weekly bible studies with a co-worker of mine at work. It's a small thing, this Bible study, but it's definitely opened my eyes to a whole new way of looking at faith and God. My bible study teacher (and co-worker) is also a Catholic (and a blessing), but she doesn't teach like a Catholic...she teaches more like someone from a more Word-based church - such as The Word of Life or New Hope or....(see I'm so new at this, I dont even know the names of the churches). Anyways, through her, and recently logging on to the Kenneth Copeland website to receive daily devotionals, and through reading other bloggers of faith, I've learned so much and am still learning daily.

I believe that I've grown closer to God as a result of my losses. There were times, and there still are times, when my faith was shaken...for instance, after my first loss, I asked God and prayed that my second pregnancy would be ok, and when that didn't happen, I felt abandoned by God, because I knew he had the power to intervene and give me a healthy pregnancy, but didn't. But as time went on, I realized that I was not abandoned by God. I still dont know why it happened (physically I may now know - it may be due to the fibroid). Perhaps it happened because God wanted me to grow even more closer to him.... Perhaps God wanted me to discover the fibroid and have it removed now before it really grew too big....Perhaps God knew that if the second pregnancy had continued, He would have slowly faded out of my life and become the small part of it that He had been pre-pregnancy. Anyways, this is all speculation...i dont really know all the answers, and I could even be wrong in my speculations.

What I do know now, is that my faith is growing daily and I'm continously working on making it grow even stronger. I'm learning so much more about God and will be that much more able to raise my children with God and the Word being a bigger part of their lives. So I've come to terms with my situation (well, I'm working on it) and know that there is a reason for what happened to me...

I also know that my biggest desire is to become a mommy and to bear children with my husband. God knows this is my desire, and I have faith that he will grant my desire when it's right for me. Till then, I'll have to walk this journey of faith on my path to motherhood, trusting that He will make it right in the end.