It's monday, I'm hanging and I'm grouchy.

First - GRRRRRRRR!!!! I need to vent some frustration. I called the doctor's office, trying to see if maybe I could set up an appointment with Dr. M to do the consult (which is required before surgery). Of course, at bureaucratic-red-tape-irrating KP, I was not able to set up an appointment. I need to wait for his assistant to call me, and that could be anytime this week or next week! To top it all off, I'm STILL spotting from AF who was here 2 weeks ago tomorrow. STILL SPOTTING???? WTH??? I know that the first AF is funky after a D&C, but I truly think that this spotting is being caused by my fibroid. When I saw Dr. B last week, she asked me if I had any unusual bleeding or clotting (which are usual symptoms from a submucosal fibroid because the fibroid tends to bleed more and excessively). I told her that I did not see any such symptoms before the miscarriages. Based on that, she thinks that the fibroid likely started to grow during my pregnancies. I think that because it is now a bigger presence, I am now experiencing those symptoms. I think that this lengthy period (spotting) is the cause of the fibroid. I asked the advice nurse about it today, and all she was able to tell me was that if I'm not filling a pad or tampon within an hour or two, then I'm ok.

Ok, reading the above, I sound like a crazed, bitchy lady...you know, one of those people that always complains all the time. But you know what? I feel that way now. People - most people - who have never experienced infertility and trouble with pregnancy have no idea what it's like to be in my (all of our) shoes. I'm anxious and impatient to start TTC again, and this fibroid and the fact that I cannot even get an appointment to remove it, is driving me crazy!!!! I'm supposed to wait for the doctor to call me and it could take a week or two even before they call me to set up the appointment??????? And who knows when I'll be able to get in and see the doctor and then schedule the surgery. This whole process is taking significantly longer than I first anticipated. I truly thought that by the time Christmas rolled around, I'd be testing for another BFP. hah, little did I know. Alright, I know all this huffing and puffing is not serving any purpose but to make me seem whinier and gripier (those are words, aren't they)? So I'll stop for now....I'm just so frustrated that I'm at a standstill on this baby making journey because of the very very irratating KP. I really need to change health plans......

Now on to my next topic, which is a much more happier topic, I hope. Yesterday, I was watching a sermon by a local pastor for the church New Hope. (They televise his sermons, and he's great!) The topic pertained to having questions about the way life is and how it's ok to have questions, but not to let those questions cause you to doubt God. For instance, questions such as, why is there still war and suffering in this world, why do the young have to die while some very bad people still get to live, and of course, why do people who want to have a child and would make wonderful parents struggle with infertility when there are babies all over the world who are in need of better care and love? The Pastor explained that it is ok to have these questions, and that God encourages questions. And He will answer all of our questions when the time is right. The sermon was much more elaborate than that, but it really hit home to me, especially in light of my last post. I learned that it is ok that I have questions about God's plan. I learned that just because I dont understand His plan, does not mean that it is faulty and that I should not believe Him and have faith in Him. I still do, and in time, I'll learn what the purpose of his plan is. As to why it's taking soooo long for me to get this appointment, I have no idea....I just know that I need to be persistent and it will happen for me.