It's begun - they are starting to play Christmas songs on the radio. The radio station I normally tune into at work has added Christmas songs heavily into their rotation.
Normally, I am a Christmas song fanatic! I listen to them non-stop practically all throughout November and December and the world, through my eyes, is just good. Even before Halloween, I started downloading Christmas songs, to get myself in the mood. However, now that they've begun playing them on the radio (much different from me voluntarily choosing to listen to them on my ipod), I'm not feeling that Christmas vibe anymore.
It's quite sad really, I know why I feel this way, its because this Christmas was supposed to be our first Christmas with a baby - no not an actual baby in our presence, but one in my belly. My first due date was February 19 and my second was April 19...so no, no real screams and cries and coos from a baby at Christmas, just belly kicks, and backaches and baby preparations for Christmas. But as you all know or will know after reading my sidebar, there is no baby and will be no baby this Christmas. Sigh.....
I guess I have it good really and truly I'm thankful, because I'm fairly confident that I will have a baby by next Christmas (oh please please please not let me eat my words next Christmas), I'm just a little saddened because this Christmas is not so magical for me. Last Christmas - it was my first Christmas in my new house and as a new wife. This Christmas -- its just...my second Christmas in my new house and as a not quite as new wife......... =(
Ah well, I'm not really one for pity parties --- so I'm going to stop.......
My EDD was/is 12/15 so I completely understand. I figured if on time I would have a 10 day old at Christmas. If over due I would be delivered 4 days later. I so don't want to do the holiday this year.
ReplyDeletePerhaps we can have a pity party together.