Letter to God

Since last NYE, my friends have started a tradition where they each write a letter to the universe, discussing their goals, dreams, and wishes for the upcoming new year. Each person also picks a word that sums up these goals, dreams and wishes. Then the group gathers at a an eastern beach on our island to watch the sunrise on the first day of the new year where they will burn the letters.

I did not participate last year. However, in years past, I have picked words to represent my goal for that year. The year I got engaged, my word was "engaged" and the year I got married, my word was "marriage". Last year, I think my word was subconciously "baby," but I did not state it out loud. Baby-making was clearly the focus of most of 2008, but my goal was not reached. This year, I plan to participate in writing my letter and selecting a word. However, for obvious reasons, I'll be calling my letter, a letter to God. I will also select a word that represents my goals, but is not so obvious as "baby." Many of my circle of friends do not even know about the journey I have been on as of late. I will be sharing my letter to God here:



Dear God,

It's been a tough year for me in 2008. The beggining was great, but it went down hill. I know, it wasn't all bad, but losing two pregnancies was very very tough. By far, the most difficult thing I have ever had to endure. Those were some dark times. It is also extremely tough to be patient and wait three months before even beginning to TTC. I know that in the scheme of life, this time of waiting, these past six to nine months will seem like such a blur, but now, as I live these days, hourly, minute by minute, the time seems to drag by. I take my first placebo pill tomorrow on my first BCP pack. To me this marks the ending of my first month of waiting and indicates that I only have two more months to go. Hallelujah! One of the good things that happened this past year, my faith has grown the strongest it has ever been. I never knew of the power of the Word, and the promises you have made us. I never knew that:

the desires of my heart will be fulfilled and all we have to do to attain them is to delight in you (Psalm 37:4);
you have promised that the fruit of my womb will be blessed (Deutoronomy 28:4);
as long as I perservere and do your will, I will receive your promises (Hebrews 10:36);
you will settle me, a barren woman, in my home with happy children (Psalm 113:9);
if I remain in You and You remain in me, I can ask you for whatever I wish and it will be granted (John 15:7);
I should have faith in You and speak to that mountain (problem) and if I do not doubt in my heart, that which I have said will happen (Mark 11:22-23);
when I pray, I should believe that I have received it, and it will be mine (Mark 11: 24);
and when I pray, I should have no grudges and have forgiven everyone so that You will forgive me, (Mark 11:25); and
anything I ask for in Jesus' name, He will do it (John 14:13-14).

There is so much more that I have learned, and am learning every day. I am so very thankful for you Lord, for your love and your Son, Jesus. I prasie you for the wonderful blessings you have already given me. I am blessed with a wonderful husband and loving family. Our marriage has only grown stronger and I continue to be in awe in the love that we share. I am so very very blessed to have him in my life. Thank you Lord for my wonderful home in this beautiful place. This place is truly paradise and I am blessed to live here. Thank you Lord for my great job. It allows me to fulfill my need for intellect as well as maintain a lifestyle apart from work. It also pays the bills and allows us some financial freedom. Thank you Lord for my good friends. They are such a blessing, each a strong woman with unique characteristics. Together, we combine our gifts to make an awesome support group. Thank you Lord for my health. I appreciate that each day I can get up and move about and not worry about pain. I love being able to exercise and take joy in the simple pleasure of a work out.

And Lord, I also praise you for the blessings you are bestowing upon me now and in the next year. Thank you for helping me to discover the cause for my miscarriages and for allowing me an opportunity to correct it. I thank you for preventing any scarring in my uterus from the surgery, so that we will have no problems getting pregnant immediately when we begin TTC again next year. I thank you for the diagnosis and treatment of the hyperplasia and for preventing its return come February when we test for it again. I look forward to a positive report from my doctor and the green light to start TTC in late February and early March 2009. I also thank you for my third BFP and for blessing me with the pregnancy of our soon to be first born child in this coming new year. As you already know Lord, I want to become a mother in 2009. I want to make my husband a father. I look forward to spending the holidays with a beautiful, healthy and perfect little baby in our arms or in my womb next year. I also look forward to continuing to grow in faith and in Your love. I will continue to strive to do Your will.

In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

My word for 2009 is "Creation." First and foremost, because the definition is to "cause to exist" and for obvious reasons, I'd like to procreate with my DH to cause the existence of our first born child. I'd also like to create an environment for a family that will grow closer to God. I'd also like to create the perfect work/life balance.