To make myself feel a little better, I've begun a countdown ticker to the supposed first day we could start TTC (CD1) which I'm estimating is the first or second day I take the placebo pills in my 3rd pack of BCPs. Right now the countdown ticker says it's just 2 months and four days from now! (It's on the left hand side of my blog). That seems a LOT less time to wait than saying I have to wait three months or until March 2009. (I know, I may actually have to wait a bit more to actually get to TTC because I will likely have a biopsy in late February and perhaps have to wait a bit afterwards to let the old ute heal, but since that date is not set, I'm sticking with what I've got.)
2 months and four days - imagine what could happen in that amount of time. Some of you will have gone through two cycles and perhaps have your BFP by then. We will have a new president. My newest niece will have been born and the due date of my first pregnancy will have passed (Feb. 19, 2009). I was a little freaked at the thought of not being pregnant during this date, but I'm not freaked anymore. It is what it is, and there is nothing I can do to change it.
The due date of my second pregrancy is April 19, 2009. Will I have my BFP by then? Who knows? All I know is that I have been praying every day to become blessed with the birth of our first child in 2009. I have high hopes set on this year. I have even come up with a rhyme - 2007 was like heaven (marriage, house, dog), 2008 not so great (2 mcs), 2009 will be divine. So here's to the countdown to a new year and a new fork in the road of my path to motherhood.
I know I have high expectations for the next year, as we all do. I know I may be disappointed. And previously, I would refrain from setting up such expectations, so that should they not come true, I wont have so far to fall. But I'm fully invested in this expectation. I've become a new person and am walking by faith, not by sight. The Lord has promised me that my fruit will be blessed. I'm continuing to stand on this promise. In two months and four days, we will be on our way to becoming parents.
I really like your poem. I really could use it to describe my own life - do you mind if I borrow it? I promise to give you full credit!
ReplyDeleteIts hard to fall, but its a lot harder to not have the hopes and expectations. Just remember, either way your blog buddies are here for you!
ReplyDeleteWe will catch you if you tumble, and will rally around to cheer with you too!
You can't see it but I am cyber high fiving you. What a refreshing and positive outlook. I hope the new year brings you everything you wish for.
ReplyDeleteP.S. My trick to having an affordable, matching underpants wardrobe is to stick to mostly white, beige and black in cotton or microfiber. Those are always on the clearance racks. Boring yes, but it keeps me sane. TMI?
B:
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that could make April 2009 better for me after welcoming Nathan, would to be hear happy news that you are expecting!! I have faith that you will be!! Here is to the both of us... we both will be expecting babies in 2009!! You'll see! :)