Yesterday, I received an email from a friend of mine who has young child. The purpose of her email was to touch bases with me and her intentions were entirely sweet, but in it she wrote the following which has struck me a little:
I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever (although I just saw you at the mall a little while ago). Just wanted to check up on you to see how you were doing with the pregnancy and all. If you have any questions, LOOK IT UP!! Hehe! I was just telling xxx (she wants to have a baby soon too!) that me and xxxx are the worst people to ask questions to cause we both acted like we weren’t pregnant the whole time. But I told her to ask you cause you would know everything cause you read a lot and look up everything. I never knew how far along I was when people would ask. I just knew, 1) it’s a xxxxx 2) I don’t have a name picked out 3) im due at the end of xxxxx 4) my doctor said everything is fine =)
I'm posting a portion of her email here because....I dont know. I guess part of me feels a little awkward since I'm investing so much time and energy into this pregnancy, much more than my friend has. Like I'm the "uncool nerd" who doesn't have a life other than to think about baby and research about baby etc. But the thing is, I want to do what I'm doing and it makes me happy. I think I mentioned something about my friend in a similar discussion with DH, and he wisely pointed out to me that for us, this baby was definitely planned. We wanted this baby from before he was born. As for my friend, of course she loves her child, but perhaps it wasn't as "planned" as our firecracker was.
I guess what this email shows is just how others can take having a baby and pregnancy for granted. Like its not something to be cherished and loved daily and something to rejoice in daily when you feel your little one's kicks and know that that means he's still alive. Dont get me wrong, my friend is a good, good person and I'm not trying to make her out to be someone bad. She's just super lucky to not have experienced a loss. But you know what, in the end, I think I'm also super lucky, because I'm cherishing and loving this pregnancy and this baby so much more than I probably would have if I didn't have the history of MC (although short lived) that I had.
p.s. I'm 22 weeks 2 days today and my 22 week belly photo is coming. I just need to download it from my camera.
p.p.s. I'll be turning 30 in two days!
Your thoughts on not taking this pregnancy for granted are my sentiments exactly. I think having gone through a loss makes me appreciate what I have and made me realize how much my husband and I are ready to be parents.
ReplyDeletemy husband and i are currently saving money to undergo fertility treatments. infertility has been a rough road and i know that i've felt that others are insenstive so many times. one of my friends has two little boys and made the comment the other day "if i found out i was pregnant i would just cry!" or then there's the person i know that's had 4 abortions and is "fertile myrtle", just having her 2nd baby in 2 years. i think it's cool that you're enjoying every part of it...i think that's how God intended for it to be. it's such a miracle, a blessing. it sounds like you're living it up!
ReplyDeletewhat an awesome birthday gift to yourself 22 beuatiful weeeks of pregnancy!
ReplyDeleteand yes so many people that get preg so easily i dont think they ever get it,....and things they say always just have this weird effect on us for some reason...i know how ya feel!
You are already such a wonderful mother!
ReplyDeletehappy early birthday!
I love this post :) I've had a hard time getting excited about this pregnancy, BUT I know I'm going to be a great mom because I have been waiting for this for so long and because I've lost two babies and I couldn't imagine not having this one. I think when we plan it and discuss it, it makes us better parents. I know watching my SIL and BIL makes me know that I will be a different and better parent. Not so much TO my child's face, but behind closed doors. I don't think I'll be complaining as much, get frustrated as easily, or have my marriage be affected negatively like people who don't have planned pregnancies do. And like you said, don't get me wrong! They are great, but I know we'll be better ;)
ReplyDeleteI understand exactly where you are at. During my first pregnancy with my daughter, I was 20, carefree and clueless that things like miscarriage and major complications could be something to ever enter into my life. After surviving my own miscarriage and going through a difficult pregnancy towards the end with my daughter, I can not even begin to describe how much I dwelt in the miracle of being pregnant with Nathan. It doesn't make you an "uncool nerd", you are just someone who can appreciate fully what a true blessing becoming a mommy is. Not to say your friend doesn't feel she is blessed, I just think those of us that have suffered through obtacles along the path to motherhood cherish pregnancy in a very different way.
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