It is 3 AM and I'm up and typing. I actually got up around 1 AM and still cannot sleep, so I decided to log on and check out what was going on with my virtual buddies. I must say, coming on here was very very uplifting. Thank you so much for all of your wonderful comments on my last blog. Yes, I'm still back home, and yes, I'm still surrounded by so many happy families, with newborns and infants and toddlers and am constantly reminded of what I do not have. But I'm getting through it. Again, my DH is working, so its just me, navigating the lonely path of IF by myself, with really no one to talk to about it except my bloggy friends....but God gave me strength (I think by nature, I'm a strong person), so I'm getting through it. I do think that the reason for my not sleeping right now is because of my heavy heart, but hey, I'm getting through it.
I was reading one of the many tremendous blogs that I follow (most of you probably know this one --- Stacy of He Will Carry Me - and she said something very helpful (along with all of your comments) about how God will never fail us and heals the brokenhearted, even if we dont actually see it happening. We just need to continue on and trust in Him, even with tears in our eyes. True faith is, even if we do not see, we must believe. (My paraphrasing isn't perfect, and I would have actually copied the portion of her post here, but she has placed a copy right on her blogs). These words were very helpful and I will hopefully try to get some sleep keeping these thoughts in mind.
This IF journey is difficult. All of you know it as all of us have been or are going through it. I need to keep in mind myself that, although we do not understand God's plans for us, and perhaps we dont even feel as if (or see) our prayers being answered.....we must believe that they are...for that it was it means to have faith.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
Ah well - here comes another day in the land filled with babies and pregnancies. Hope I can get some sleep till then.
So weird- I was up from 12-4 last night wide awake.....
ReplyDeleteI so hope February 13th is what you are so patiently waiting and hoping for and that you get your green light! You are ready and it is time the table turns to you....
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteIt is so tough managing infertility when everyone around you seems to have babies without difficulties. That is why blogging is such a great gift.
Know that you are not alone, and I hope that you managed to get some sleep.
Oh my heart probably feels so similar to yours right now...I was opposite in the fact that instead of being up all night I slept for about 14 hours...I dont know if I actualy slept but I layed in bed still as can be bawling my eyes out ( why I will be posting later tonight) but I just want to again say I am thinking of you and hoping for a baby for you and me and all the IF women out there whose heart aches for a ababy of their own...
ReplyDeletewww.wondrafulbaby.blogspot.com
Hi friend,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment on my blog.
I totally understand what you are going through. You are not alone. I am really praying that Feb comes and we can both get some good news. Keep me posted with how you are doing.
Hi B!
ReplyDeleteThings have been a little big hectic here the last few days. I promise to update my blog today so you can catch up. I just read your entry for yesterday and your words again touched me and I thought about how faithful and trusting you are in our Lord God despite the tough times. I wish I were as strong in that as you are. A couple things came to my mind regarding your faith and I wanted to leave them here.
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do- Walk by Faith
Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start
But its now I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain
I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see I still believe
Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain
The only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers in brokeness
I can see that this is your will for me
Help me to know you are near- I still believe.
The first is part of song and the second is a whole song, both by Jeremy Camp.
And of course: blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4
Her children arise and call her blessed, Proverbs 31:28.
I believe with all my heart that your children one day will having seen your faith and your example, will one day rise and call you blessed. Just as I believe this to be yet another promise that yes you will become a mom and sooner, rather than later.
Well I think I have rambled enough, Hang in there. Less than a month to go till your appointment!! My prayers continue to remain with you!!! *hugs*
God ~is~ with us on this journey.
ReplyDeleteWe are with you, too :-)