As I walk down my hall, heading to bed for the night, I check on my sons. Ho'ea is sleeping peacefully in his crib. I cover his legs with a light blanket. (Yes, I know, according to the books, this is a no-no, but with this one, since I'm "experienced," I do what feels right). Whew, sigh of relief, since apparently, he has very recently decided that he hates bottles and pretty much cried the entire day today, refusing to take milk from the bottle while i was at work. (This new and sudden phenomenom will hopefully be discussed in another post soon). Ho'ea is a big boy for his age, two months old today. His cheeks are full and round, his legs bulging with baby fat rolls. He stirs a bit when I lay the blanket on him and I hold my breath, hoping that he wont wake. He doesn't. He looks just like me, I think.
Kaua, is also sleeping peacefully in his twin bed, cuddled up against one of the mesh railings. I pull out the twisted sheet under his leg and body and cover him up with it too. This boy sweats when he sleeps (even though his room is the coolest of the house), so he only gets really light coverings at night. I touch Kaua's head, to check that he isn't sweating, and in doing so, caress his face and new haircut that his GG gave him today (the boy refuses to get a haircut, and thus, has had his hair growing out since January of this year). He is such a handsome boy, taking entirely after his dady! And now, he looks like an angel. I'm so proud of him!
As I head to my room, to get ready for bed, I think to myself, "amazing!" I have two children. Two sweet, beautiful, adorable children (who definitely can also be monsters...yes, even two month old Ho'ea) who both love me, depend on me and for whom I am pretty much their entire world. I think, I am so blessed. I've come so far. I am a mother. Wow!
Life is so different now with two children. I have become a different person. I'm still me, yet not me. I'm a mother. I've discovered an unknown inner strength, patience, love, empathy, knowledge, instinct, stamina, determination and duration. Things that all come with the territory, but none that you could describe or know until you are in it.
My marriage is also different. We are not each other's centers anymore. Our lives revolve around our children, our work, and our house/home. I struggle to find a balance and to keep the relationship strong. I know so many marriages fail because the couple loses themselves to the daily grind of family and life. I do not want that for me. I want to be proactive to ensure a strong healthy relationship.
I am so thankful for this experience. For my children. Although, they present the biggest life challenge, I've ever had to endure (yes, even bigger than my journey to become a mother and the miscarriages along the way), they are the best parts of me.
Ho'ea is two months old. Kaua is 22 months old. They are both so handsome and perfect.
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